The Confidence Code: Equipping Leaders with the Tools to Win - Part Two
In this episode of Wealthy Sistas Radio, host Deborah Hardnett welcomes Dr. Phyllis Clark, an esteemed educator and leader, to discuss the importance of confidence and leadership for women. The conversation delves into the concept of imposter syndrome, its psychological implications, and how it affects women in various professional settings. Dr. Clark shares insights from her research on the intersectionality of women of color and imposter syndrome, providing listeners with practical tools to overcome self-doubt and build unshakable confidence. The episode also explores classic and modern behaviors associated with imposter syndrome, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and personal growth.
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Transcript
We're now listening to...
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:of existence
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:Welcome back.
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:You are now listening to part two of episode, the confidence code, equipping leaders with
the tools to win.
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:Enjoy.
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:I loved being able to be that one to come and save the day, and put the fires and all the
things all the time.
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:we're talking about over 30 years, up to 31 now for me, being in the education sector and
throughout these peaks and valleys and whatever it was that I did over the course of this
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:time.
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:I lived in this imposter space and in 2016, I said enough is enough, sis.
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:Learn about this.
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:Let's go and understand the science behind this.
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:these are, I guess it's maybe eight.
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:How many behaviors did I give you?
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:The five new ones.
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:gave me four and then actually you gave me six.
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:And it's sabotage.
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:You know that's an interesting one to me.
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:What are some of the ways that manifest so that we could help our audience?
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:The last good day was helping me with all of this is age.
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:know, at 56, like, nah, I'm not doing that.
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:I mean, I'm learning how to say, no, I'm not doing that.
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:No.
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:Right.
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:I love it.
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:And that is what I am telling myself because I'll use me.
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:I don't mind.
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:I just put it all out there now.
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:When I think about self-sabotage, it's like the opposite of that is self-belief.
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:So I was spending a lot of time thinking that I could not expand in my business or I could
not obtain certain things that I wanted or I wouldn't be invited to the thus and so.
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:I just couldn't see myself having a the six figure business because you know, whatever
these reasons, but it's all these little narratives and all these little stories that I
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:would tell myself over time.
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:And so what did I do?
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:I paused, I paused, I stopped.
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:I got in something else that was cool and comfortable in, you know, inside the comfort
zone where I can like, you know, real good.
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:but I, I spent a lot of time,
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:You know, just destroying myself from the inside out.
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:But then, but when you look at me and when you talk to me, you don't know about any of
this stuff going on in terms
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:That's the way.
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:And so I think the self sabotage is that I can distinctly remember when I wanted to be an
imposter on purpose.
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:You know, that's a whole nother left field.
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:Yeah, that's a whole new.
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:What do you mean by that?
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:You know, someone asked me, or I was asked by an organization to do a presentation.
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:And while I knew that I knew I could perform, I knew I knew the information.
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:I turned it down because I didn't want to be seen.
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:And the reason that I wanted to hide my visibility is because I thought I didn't know
enough.
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:I felt like I couldn't bring enough to the table to take care of people the way they
needed to be.
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:taken care of in that moment with regard to that subject matter.
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:Now, this organization thought that I could, right?
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:And I personally felt like I could not.
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:You know what, and I think you talk about the modern times.
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:Yeah.
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:And I think I would say a bit that social media probably played a view, a play on that
because we, I mean, with Wealthy Sisters Club here, you know, our branding company, we
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:know how to brand and create great
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:visual aids, right?
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:And so I think sometimes though being that authenticity that you're talking about, it's
always the space that we do our best to work from because I can relate to that.
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:Having opportunities or certain opportunities to handle certain things and me being
authentic with myself, I thought I wouldn't be able to do that.
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:because I don't want to be like the other people I see who now like great social media
when we started, would say let's say around 08, around that that's when you know a lot of
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:the platforms outside of Ning and that I don't know if you were connected with us on Ning
or not, but it just we used it for business.
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:I'm talking about our circles.
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:We each other, we connected, and we came offline.
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:We connected online, came offline, cross country, all of that, coast to coast, around the
world.
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:And now it's just about anybody popping up and saying, like you said, they're experts.
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:And they don't know the first, but they can brand it, they can package it.
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:And so when we see these packaging and all of this, it's like, wait a
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:Yeah.
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:You'll get confused until you hear that person speak and you think, there's not much
substance there.
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:Right.
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:I knew that, you know, that's something.
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:Yes, but you see how I got out in front of myself and just kind of stopped that blessing
cold.
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:You know how sometimes we talk about blocking our own blessings.
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:You never know what that could have turned into.
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:I'm so just over here thinking that I wouldn't be able to
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:as well, so I'm just not gonna do it without even thinking about.
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:And that's the other thing that Dr.
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:Valerie talks about.
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:I love it how she's talking about being, I'm sorry, give my train of thought back here
because I'm just so fascinated with her work and her scholarship.
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:But she talks about competency distortion.
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:We're confused.
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:A lot of us are just simply confused about this.
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:are.
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:And so my particular antidote, this is what I did to help myself.
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:And I just created a framework.
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:And I say, you know what, what, is the issue?
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:What am I afraid of?
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:What is it that, that I am not looking at properly?
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:you know what it ended up being for me?
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:What alignment.
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:How was out of line.
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:That's the truth for everybody, especially from a spiritual point.
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:Yes, that is so personal alignment.
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:So that's what I do now to also help women.
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:And I like to say that, yes, I can coach.
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:Yes, I can consult.
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:But what we need, and I feel like we're so desperate for this and a lot of us don't even
realize it, it's thought partnership.
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:We need to be open and honest and available to stick with another sister to have our
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:whatever it is that we're experiencing, amplify it, right?
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:Whether it's good, whether you're trying to figure something out, but I love this concept
now of thought partnership.
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:It's something new.
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:It's new to me in terms of my approach and the way that I work with women in groups and
things now, but that's my antidote.
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:Personal alignment is my antidote for myself.
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:And I feel like it could be that way for other people.
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:That's beautiful.
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:And you know, and I was going to ask you like, what advice would you give someone who
struggled with self doubt?
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:So that that's definitely thought partnership, you know, finding those that we know, iron
sharpening iron, you get it, you always talk about, you know, this is radio, the
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:importance of networking and stretching yourself looking who's who's in your circle, like,
right, your circle is not
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:People that you look up to and it's only people that's looking up to you.
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:How are you going to advance from there?
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:So stretching, you know, know that what because I want to get into this question that when
you're talking about the competency of distortion is it's a great segue to this question.
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:I want to ask you, but I didn't want to give you have to to maybe other points or
suggestions.
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:for women who struggle with self doubt, what they can do besides that thought partnership.
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:Well, my signature message now is understanding where you are aligned and where you are
not.
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:Simply put.
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:And so what I had to do for myself is to, created a seven step framework and I can share
maybe two of those frames now.
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:That's okay.
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:Well, first and foremost,
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:first and foremost, I feel like people really need to understand who they are and who they
want to become next, right?
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:Because that's vision right there, right?
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:That is your spiritual marching orders, if you will, in order to do that.
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:So what does that need to contain?
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:And I say, you need to understand your core values.
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:You need to be conscious of who you are and how you're currently operating in certain
spaces, right?
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:It goes back to that.
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:or I'm not sure enough.
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:What are your convictions?
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:What are your strongly held beliefs and how do you keep other things from overpowering
you?
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:Opportunities come when good things happen or when bad things happen, what not.
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:But it's about assessing who you are right now and what you need to do to become who you
need to be next.
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:It's like, it's like you're not letting your good be your great.
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:Right.
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:You know, always we know that from the book, but always looking to advance to improve to
grow.
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:Even if we're, you know, my, my grandmother who's 94 still driving.
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:Love it.
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:Let's
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:She said, I'm gonna stay green all my life.
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:I'll always learn because when you're right, that's when you go.
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:You know, I love that.
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:I love that.
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:This understanding where you are in a line, that alignment is so important.
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:Leadership with women.
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:Okay.
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:Yeah, leadership.
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:can plug my next thought into this leadership space here.
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:When you think about what's the one big thing that we always talk about first when we talk
about leadership?
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:the title of that video.
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:And then in terms of like one of the biggest actions, one of the biggest characteristics,
I guess, that leaders have in their space is, you know, is this thing around influence,
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:right?
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:So that's one, but of course that's not all.
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:But when I think about leadership, I really think about vision.
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:And of course we are visionaries in our own life.
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:and whatever it is that we support in terms of our organizations and the other things that
we lead, our families and so forth.
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:And being able to see further than the end game, even if it doesn't exist right now, which
is why I'm having a freaking hard time with the current political climate.
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:That's another show now.
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:But think about a leader and this whole methodology of how they strengthen people and
amplify people to get things done.
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:So now we're crawling into this whole section of productivity.
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:Well, let's go that way because...
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:the whole environment, where can you find, it doesn't matter who's there now, was who was
there, who came, who was there before.
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:You it's, you look on the local level, you look on the corporate level, where can you
find, you know, the whole point of leadership and the fundamentals and the principles,
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:where are the values?
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:Where is that?
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:Where is that?
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:And it's a segue that I wanted to talk about with that competency and distortion and like,
and I know time is running out here.
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:We could have you back for a part two.
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:I just wanted to tell you something.
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:But this is what triggers for me when you said that.
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:It's like understanding alignment and understanding our God given natural abilities,
right?
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:For women.
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:Okay, we're talking about women leaders.
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:We have natural abilities to lead the God put in us.
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:How do we, cause like you said, everything is
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:Dr.
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:Valerie said, we're confused.
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:We're trying to lead from the male's perspective in some environments versus power and
strength that we have from the women, from the females.
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:It's like those strengths are being suppressed.
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:The value system, our core, like you said, the core values, I don't know.
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:if you see it like that or not.
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:could just be on a soap box out here on my own.
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:You're not, we're having these conversations and I completely agree with what you're
saying about that piece and this whole aspect of feminine energy, that we need to bounce
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:that around more.
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:And I think we're starting to do that because some of this new research, even some of the
old research talks about the way that we community build, right?
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:As women and the way we bring voices as leaders, bring women to the table.
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:And we fill in each other's gaps.
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:don't have to do it like I'm a man.
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:I know that I'm a woman, so I can leave from those gifts and talents from that perspective
that I know.
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:And I know that might be not received well in some environments because we're saying, but
the fact remains, there are unique abilities that we have.
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:you know, the nurturing point of view and, and like we talked about the vision being
usually in tune, right?
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:You know.
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:I mean, not to mention the wisdom and the different aspects of understanding, even with
the power of collective action, just think about the feminist movements and the waves of
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:all of those things that occurred in the 70s around the same time that this study on
imposter syndrome was kicking off.
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:one of the reasons, this is my own personal thing,
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:is there was 150 white women that participated in that.
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:And even though they had all of these amazing accomplishments, guess what?
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:They still felt terrible around some aspect of themselves.
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:Now this is in the seventies and this is kind of at the height of all of that, words and
phrases coming at women at the same time.
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:You know, all the other stuff politically that was going on too.
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:couldn't do this, women couldn't do, we couldn't go here.
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:You know, all.
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:all of these things happening.
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:So I'm glad that study came to be, but it was missing something.
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:It was missing that black woman's voice too.
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:And now we're in the 21st century and having tons of conversations around being more
inclusive, around the voices that we bring to these tables.
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:And I'm telling you, this platform that you have in order, you know, just to even...
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:help me to step up and to share even more of what I'm doing behind the scenes.
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:I couldn't be more thankful and grateful and honored to be here chatting.
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:And yeah, we definitely need a part two or even a three.
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:I didn't have a segment just with you.
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:And thank you all praise to God really for your kind words.
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:I take no credit for it at all.
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:Just being a vessel in not really knowing a lot of the times, like I said, how it was
really impacting and how it has impacted.
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:So I am truly grateful.
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:that I've been able to be a vessel for that.
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:in closing here, I'd like to just have you address this one last question.
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:If you can take a few seconds, a moment to address this for those who have young girls and
boys, young men, these are principles that can help.
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:of everybody.
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:But obviously you believe that leaders can be created.
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:Right.
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:I believe you probably believe that because you know that whole ad is our leader born or
are they are they created.
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:But are there any signs that you would suggest parents to look for in their children to
help them cultivate their innate ability to lead.
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:Well, that's a beautiful, beautiful question.
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:me, let's see, where would I go with this?
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:Of course, I'm thinking about the research as well as what I do with my own daughters.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:You know, for me, it has been powerful to have different types of conversations with my
daughters.
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:And so I would speak from the perspective of learning to understand who
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:your child is through these conversations.
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:it does, it's sometimes it's not just, it's not that helpful.
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:You know, I've heard other experts talk about this too.
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:when, when your child gets in the car and how was school, you know, some of these basic
bland questions may not make sense for us anymore.
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:I don't, don't even, I don't know if it ever did, but what my daughter and I do now,
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:is I don't even ask about school.
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:I wait until information is given to me.
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:That's how I know her mindset is in a certain space and she's welcoming in what I need to
ask for, you know, want to know more, you know, it's that type of thing.
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:So what we do now, she gets in the car and you know, we do, we hug and I don't care.
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:She doesn't care really who sees.
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:behind us, we're in the...
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:I feel my precious baby who's college.
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:Yeah, this is what I'm talking about now.
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:I graduated from high school here in a few months.
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:But the other thing about this is, you know, I have two daughters and they are very
different.
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:I'm sure a lot of guys would talk about, you know, there are multiple children in that way
too, how they're all different.
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:But the thing about it is knowing that they are different and amplifying those differences
from
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:their perspective, right?
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:And what their needs are.
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:You know, one of my daughters is a mover and a shaker, like literally, she really needs to
be moving in things and wants to throw her arms up all of a sudden, you know, and so at an
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:early age, we noticed this.
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:Well, she did get in trouble a few times.
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:Like wanting to tie up people's shoes and doing all these other things when she needed to
be still.
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:But we saw this coming out and
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:we put her in something that would allow her to move structurally, right?
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:And disciplined.
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:And she ended up being in cheerleading in gymnastics for six or seven years.
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:And those activities shaped her for whatever her next was, right?
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:Or kind of complemented some of the other things that she needed to be able to do.
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:And there's just a lot of different, I hope that was helpful, but there's still.
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:great experts and scholars out there talking about these 21st century relationships that
we have with our children now.
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:And when we think about them from the perspective of leadership, you know, I love asking a
lot of questions, you know, and I like going deep, but there's a time to go deep and
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:there's a time, you know, just to stay surface level.
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:simple, right?
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:But, know, and then I think about myself quickly with my relationship with my own parents.
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:And so my mother, she thought she tricked me, but she didn't.
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:You know, she was a psychologist and a therapist.
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:And I love these things that we did.
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:You know, we had, as we were getting ready for the day, every day, we, I loved getting
ready in her bathroom, right, with her, because we had these mommy daughter moments that
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:we could talk about in, like everything was.
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:I mean, was awful.
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:I mean, I could talk about anything at all.
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:I only needed like 10 minutes.
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:And so her being open to hearing whatever I had to say about whatever also strengthened me
during that timeframe.
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:I was trying to feel myself in music, right?
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:When I was coming up trying to figure out this violin thing and strengthening her with my
speaking, right?
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:Or my questions.
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:That helped me with my instrument in a weird way, in the way that I wanted to take on
leadership in the orchestra when I was coming up at that time.
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:Yeah, so I know we need a lot of time to get deep,
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:Well, we have to come back and we have to have you back.
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:There's so much more that we can talk about, which what you're doing your work, Dr.
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:Phyllis Clark.
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:You know, it is amazing and we certainly appreciate your time today.
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:How can our audience connect with you and support your initiative?
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:wow, thank you for sharing that.
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:There are two ways I would love for people to keep up with me on LinkedIn and let's see, I
know the LinkedIn is, yeah, I'm in LinkedIn under my own name.
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:So, Mark, I know you can go in and just click on LinkedIn and you can put in the search
queue, put my name there and you'll find me.
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:The other thing that I have, if I can share this, I have an e-book.
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:It's a little long, but it's worth it and you don't have to read it all at one sitting.
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:It's about, it's your year.
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:It's about e-alignment.
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:There's my word again.
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:love it.
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:I love it.
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:So it's a digital download.
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:can get it right to your phone.
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:And I have a couple of keywords and a number here.
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:And so if anyone wants to text the number 55444 and you can enter the word, hey, sis,
exclamation point.
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:So 55444, hey, sis, so H, capital H, E-Y, and then a space.
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:And then a capital S, I S, and an exclamation point.
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:I know the characters have to be just right.
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:And they will get that download right there too.
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:Just follow the prompts and you'll get it.
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:It's 80 pages.
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:goodness that's awesome and the title of the book again is E-Alignment.
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:Yes.
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:huh.
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:I love it.
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:love it.
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:Well, Dr.
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:Clark, thank you so much for joining us today.
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:We do appreciate you and your time.
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:Congratulations to you on all the amazing work that you're doing.
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:Keep moving forward.
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:And like I said, we're going to have to definitely have you back.
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:And to our audience, we want to say thank you so much for tuning into this episode.
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:You can find us, Wealthy Sisters Radio.
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:anytime on your favorite podcast platforms, including Spotify and iTunes.
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:What's the other one there?
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:Google, you name it, Google Podcasts.
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:And also as a reminder, we want to thank you just for being who you are and taking the
time to work on yourself.
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:Thank you again for tuning in to this.
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:inspiring episode of Wealthy Sisters Radio.
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:Stay connected with us at WealthySisters.com.
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:Follow us on your favorite podcast platform.
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:And remember, we're here to promote prosperity, celebrate innovation, and uplift our
sisters who are making a big difference in every day.
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:Until next time, open your eyes, stay focused, and keep moving and know that all is well.
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:This is Deborah Hartnett signing off.
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:a wealthy sister's radio.
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:you
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:The opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of our host, staff, or
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